Summer break is here! I cannot tell you how thrilled I am to be sitting on this couch and doing nothing but watching mindless entertainment... I even have time to paint my nails, color my hair, take a long hot bath.... the possibilities are endless! However, it also makes me realize how lonely I am and how this summer is going to be completely opposite of last summer.
Last summer was probably the best summer of my life. Not only did we plan this amazing move, but every last hour of our break was spent with friends and family. We were always busy! We were always fishing and laying out at the lake, picking berries/having wine tastings at Huber's, playing euchre and other games at people's houses and going out karaoke every weekend. Not to mention, every Sunday was spent at my sisters eating dinner and watching my nieces play and torment each other. It was heaven. I miss those days so much. But then again, we had those days mostly because we knew we were moving and we wanted to make every memory count. And they did. I have some of the most amazing memories of my life because of last summer. I grew 10x closer with my friends and family than I ever have been and I got the opportunity to really appreciate Louisville for what it is. These days, I am always trying to find something to do that doesn't require me sitting in front of the tv when I get off work. And though there is plenty to do around here, the company is limited. I really miss my friends. I really miss having someone around (other than Vic) who can actually give me a hug, drink wine and talk to me about my day. Sure, I can pick up the phone and call a friend... but with the time difference and it being a Saturday night, there really isn't a guarantee on that.
I thought that after a year of living here, I would actually be able to call someone my good friend. I would have someone I can trust and count on. Turns out, people are flaky! I guess I have never experienced this before because the friends that I have, I have had for years. I am not the type of person seeking out friendships... I have enough at home. Unfortunately, here, I have to start over and it feels like dating for the first time in years. Weird, right? It sounds strange, but it really feels like that. I'm always analyzing my actions towards that person, "did I say too much? Why hasn't she called? What did I do wrong?" It's completely ridiculous. I am 25 years old, why do I need to be this.... needy? Why can't I just be content with the life I have w/Vic and not have to rely on socialism. Truth be told, I sometimes find more pleasure in hanging out with no one but me myself and I.... but I guess I got my hopes up and it led me to be somewhat disappointed. Oh well... c'est la vie. I really need to understand that you can't expect others to treat you the same way you would treat them. That is my hardest reality to face right now. I just expect people to do the same things I would do...Gotta get over it and move on... besides, I would rather be lonely than have to deal with people being flakes and constantly disappointing me. It's just not worth it.
The bright side to all of this, is that one of my best friends is coming for a visit this summer. I am completely stoked. We are planning on taking a trip up the coast and visiting San Francisco and Wine Country. I really need me some Ashley in my life right now.... we have a lot to talk about and a lot of wine to drink... ;)
Besides all of this... I finished my Spring semester off with two B's. Not too shabby.. would I have rather had A's? Absolutely. But, given the circumstances... I think I did pretty well for my first semester back in a while... not to mention, my first semester at a new school in a new state with no support system around me and a jerk as an English professor. Yep, I'd say I did a pretty good damn job. <<pats on back>>
