Although I search myself, there's always someone else I see.

It's weird to look back 2 years ago when I made the decision to pack up everything and move across the country. Some days, I wonder what the hell was I thinking and then others, I am so proud of that person. 

That day, I was someone completely different. For so long, I have always been a follower. Someone who looked up to someone else, and pretty much wanted to be anyone else but me. I have had so many things happen in my life that have made me feel like such a failure and have made so many scars and insecurities. I have always wanted to be this person who lived for themselves, and didn't get caught up in the negativity.

 

Slowly but surely, I feel like I am coming together and into my own person instead of wanting to be someone else. This past year has changed me so much. I have known hurt, and bad days, but I have never felt as lonely as I do now. I know what it is like to really want someone to be there. I have Vic, but there are times where I don't want to rely on him yet again. I feel like a part of me is still in Louisville, sitting with Diana and Chloe.... still holding on to this big dream and never going through with it. But in reality, I am here, in LA and though it is new and different and I am so proud of myself, it is very drab and empty.

 However, despite how depressed I am sometimes, I feel my skin getting thicker. I feel wiser, and I feel as if I can do anything now. I  know that getting here was half the battle, and as long as I can stay in one piece, there are so many other things I can do with my life. Before, I did not know I would have the strength to go through with it, but now that I know... I feel like the possibilities are endless. Now I know why people move all over. I can see myself living in Seattle, San Francisco, New York.... I know I can do it now. I have faith in myself.