I just bought my plane ticket to go home this Sunday and I could not be more excited. It was definitely not cheap, but it will be worth every single penny the minute I wrap my arms around my beautiful 5 year old niece. I have missed her little face so much. I have missed hugging her, talking walks with her, and really... just watching her grow up. I know it has only been a short time in hindsight, but I feel like she has gotten incredibly massive since the last time I have seen her. I cannot wait to squeeze the life (not literally, of course) out of my twin sister and Chloe. It will be amazing.
Then, of course, it will always be awesome to see my friends and other family members as well. It has been really tough being away from everyone and everything that I know. It will be really nice to see people and things that are familiar and not so...foreign??
I am having a hard time in school right now. When I first started college, I had this big wave of confidence flowing through that I never felt before. When I was in high school, I was a total screw up. Of course, I loved my Creative Writing classes, being in Chorus, but other than that... I never tried. I missed a lot of school, and I was dealing with so many issues at the time with my parents and everything else that seemed to be surrounding my home life. It was extremely difficult to get back into the swing of things. I got up one day, went to some classes to help me out with my Math skills so I could pass the GED. I received my diploma about 2 years ago and have been taking college courses ever since. I cannot say it was an almost impossible road; it wasn't by any means... it was just a rocky one. Since then, I have made a vow to myself that I would be the student I always wanted to be, and the student I should have been while attending JHS. I have maintained a high GPA, been invited to study abroad with a full-on scholarship through my Honor's Society, and have had so much support and respect around me. It has been an amazing ride thus far. However, this semester is somewhat a little different.
My instructor for one of my classes tends to be very arrogant, and very assumptive. Some days he walks in there, and just expects his students to screw up. For a while, I gave him the benefit of the doubt and tried to write off his arrogance as brilliance. He is very brilliant, he has wrote many books that are amazing and most inspiring. Believe me, we are reading all of them in his class as our reading material. I have a hard time reading about his memoirs; his painful childhood as being abused by his father. It is so unsettling. And what is worse, is that I have to write essays throughout the course about his retched past. Sound interesting? Absolutely not. This is where my tuition money is going...really?! I mean, I want to read Shakespeare, literature from aspiring writers who captivate my attention. I don't want to read about my 65 year old's father being a total douche bag. I mean, seriously.... I am not trying to be insensitive, but I just don't see why any of this is relevant to the course. I am saddened by his childhood, but everyone has some sort of issue they have all dealt with in their lives. My childhood was definitely not peachy, but I am not going to instruct a class with nothing but my students reading about my alcoholic father and what happened to me when I was younger. No one wants to fucking read that. It's awkward. I am just going to have to suck it up and try to push through this one. I cannot drop the class, that doesn't do me any good and it certainly won't be showing any validation. I am going to try everything in my power to not let his smugness get to me, and score an A in his course. I hate kissing ass, but if that is what I have to do to keep my GPA, I will do it.
Meanwhile, I am trying to let go. I have the hardest time letting things and people in my past go, but what good does it do holding on to it? I am not sure why I do this to myself, but I always seem to set myself up for failure when I make an attempt to try to keep things/people in my life for the sake of having closure. I guess it's time to learn how to have closure within myself. That's about all I can do in matters of these situations. I am lucky to have the things and people that I have in my life. As long as I hold on to what is the most important and not focus on what's not, I can try to move forward with my life.
That's all folks. See you down south.
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