Forgetting.

I am listening to this beautiful song by David Gray and it's making me think so much about life. Life these days have really seemed to take a complete 180 for me. I can't believe this is how things are, I still have to remind myself that this is where I am and I am no where near the things that used to be a part of my day to day life 2 months ago. It's a huge adjustment, and it's not the easiest sometimes. However, I am very fortunate and proud of how things have worked out. Moving almost feels like a blur, and that it never actually happened. In reality, it's staring me right in the face. I try not to think about how far away I am, I just live day to day and 'live in the moment' like Diana always suggests.

I'm dealing with something right now that seems to be a reoccurring pattern in my life when it comes to some of the close relationships I have. I always tend to get myself in these awkward situations where I find myself without closure. I haaaate not having closure. It makes me feel incomplete, and keeps me over analyzing through every detail. I know that I am partly to blame, but at the same time I feel like I deserve some sort of explanation. I have had some amazing people come in and out of my life, and when they come out.. it's like I get no say in it. I hate having things out of my control, I definitely have issues dealing with that. I just need to find closure within myself, but that is way easier said than done. Writing always helps me figure things out, hence why I started this blog in the first place. I just gotta keep on keepin on... ;)

I heard "What a Wonderful World" on the way to work today, and I knew it was going to be a good day. Even though I have all these thoughts and emotions processing, I know in the back of my mind that I am doing the right thing. Even as much as it hurts, I know there is a reason behind all of this. I feel like this has definitely been a huge test... on my strength, on my character and my confidence. It feels so amazing to have people be proud of me again. I haven't done a lot with my life that have been all that impressive, and for so long I felt like such a failure.... but these past few years with starting school on my own, making a life changing decision that I actually went through with--- has given me so much inspiration and hope for all the things in my life that I never thought could happen. I have only myself to thank for that. I have had the most amazing friends and family stand by me with enormous amounts of support and that has pushed me to go even further. I don't feel lost anymore.