Times they are a'changing

I have this horrible stomach virus I have been fighting for the past 4 days and it flat out just fucking sucks. I haven't been able to do anything but lay on the couch in utter pain watching back to back episodes of The Wonder Years and Family Guy while eating toast and goldfish. It's awful. Not to mention, my two days off this week consisted of going to Target, the library and playing Connect Four with Vic. I have to say, weekends in LA haven't been all that glamorous.


I'm really trying not to sound like a brat, because I do realize how lucky and fortunate I am to be living here, to have a job, and have someone that I can vent to at the end of the days even when I do feel like none of those things are relevant. Just the other day, I saw 3 bums behind a dumpster smoking meth and as human as it is to judge someone who lives on the streets next to a grocery cart full of everything they own and only spend what they have on drugs, you can't help but feel sorry for them and think that maybe you take life for granted sometimes. Why can't I remember that when I get caught up in being so homesick and feeling so lost and alone. I am not alone, and though I am homesick I am living my life and doing what I think is good for me. I should be proud of myself, instead I lay here sometimes and think about what I could be doing if I were in Louisville. I miss having card nights with my friends, having someone to drink wine with instead of drinking it while skyping with one of my close friends (although that was definitely interesting). I sometimes wonder why I moved if nothing has really changed besides the fact that I do not have anyone around.

I know this is only the beginning, and I know I will meet people and things will get a whole lot better. This is the downside to this whole moving thing, and I guess I didn't prepare myself for it. I knew I'd be homesick, but I never thought I'd be this lonely. I miss my friends and family, and I miss everything that seemed familiar. Everything feels foreign to me right now.  I guess it could be a whole lot worse, like I mentioned before, I could be sitting next to a dumpster wasting my life on a meaningless drug. But I am not. I have to give myself credit for all the things that I have accomplished in my life. Though nothing has really changed, I am changing. 10 years ago I never thought I would ever do something as brave as this, but I did. And I have proven to myself that I can be brave, and if I can brave... I can be strong and get through this. Not because I have to, but because I choose to. Sure, it might be a rough ride in the beginning... but you can only go up after you've been down for so long.